A picture to complicating to describe or put any meaningful words to continues to take shape. Colors running in seemingly endless directions, the artist wonders how he keeps on out doing himself. Anticipation and curiosity keep his head steadily working away with unborn images. The dream comes to him often... that one day it will all be the most beautiful masterpiece he knows.

This fall is promising to be the biggest months I've ever experienced before. It was 2 years ago that one of his good friends was here to visit him and that has not changed. Even more so his best friend is on the biggest quest of his life as well heading to the other side of the world with a bag of green magic and some powerful big lungs to top it off. Another clown I'm quite familiar with had a cake with a few candles on it recently. Was vingt-trois the year that we stopped being  boys and grew up to our full potential... filling out and I'm not just talking about bodies here....well  basketball , a cold and a few dreams later and he’s feeling a little broken. Maturity is something only life can teach you as well as patience. They are lessons I'm coming to terms with over time. Age is but numbers that counts our existence. I wouldn't limit someone because of age, could be the biggest mistake I'd ever make. Acknowledge it but don't pay it more respect then it deserves. 

Expectations well beyond the ordinary continue to excite and leave us feeling hasty about the future. he received a message 12:36am on Sept 1st saying "wake me up when September ends" I think this month is gradually waking us up on its own. 

you worry, you worry, you worry,

then it snaps... was he in Busan on Monday?..right!   hes found his feet again...his ankles will be a few more days here but the king is in full throttle.  hes found a new hobby or something along those lines or rather and old hobby.

lying on your floor 3pm and expecting calls that don't come and your body is beat red..crying out for aloe vera...mornings at the pool with friends. Running appeared and so did the house of travel in his thoughts...this country is like a suction cup and I'm losing it...too late... meeting girls in Gangnam and thinking you like them and then meeting again and knowing you like them..but what do you expect? 

does anybody really know whats going on in this clowns head these days..he certainly doesn't have a clue... teaching one day and then bunking the next with whirlwind buzzing....friends leaving OCT and a dongsang arriving...Jan sneaking up...right now feels like a mission away and everyday has roots from africa growing out of it....

thinking you can handle things and then underestimating GOD...    teaching these bratts these days...if a kid says the wrong thing..no 2nd chance for you buddy...its all fun and games until you spill the wrong gochuchong on the teachers mood....

temperatures that make you want to jump into the Han Gan no matter what the color of the water is.  Biceps that get more attention then the beatles on Fridays. And peircings that bring about more questions then ben Johnson in seoul. 

drowning in korea and all he can grab on to is some kim and hope he can tread water till the han gan stips flooding. Augusts that come along with morning schedules and headaches....   raises that were on his mind...and now he doesn't give a flying you know what... like you think I care that you fired me and I'm back to making only 2mil a month...thanks alot actually now I have time to work on my endurance and  stand a better chance against the mighty waters....

honeymoons and girlfriends keeping his heungs busy...but this clown has 2 feet and a heart beat to keep him busy not to mention whats in that peanut up staris...songus have made an immpression with the heat here...what else would you rather have in your mouth when its 34'c

is it possible to bounce around the globe like a crazzy man  and be responsible at the same time...well soon find out if the monster in the han gan would let my foot go..you animal

you smile with tears in your eyes..stop trying to confuse me..its working. Biking to the top of some beautiful peaks in the alps reaching breaking points to realise someone has won a washing machine!

brothers playing jokes that result waking up the old guy at 4 in the am.. sorry...maybe clean it...I don't mean vacuum the house 4 the 4th time in 2 hrs...  as I'm writing this I Have an old friend peeping over my shoulder and its  probably not who either of you think..its my good buddy giant..he figured that he would come out and see what all the racket is about .. thats cool but those tires need some air little brother...he gives me this shy look and changes gears...oil

stages and I'm talking about the tour landis...nice try by the way...gatlin grins..only to remember that he is sitting on the biggest drug scandal since  big bad ben in seoul... .................. it started with 3hr rides in 721 then took a turn with a few nights in NB and then back through 6months of him and his feet which resulted in a timetrial and a bike collosion and changed realities... after that..we can all imgaine what happened...well you can't actually...rabbit looks him in the eyes and gestures " you don't know what the f*%$ I've been through" and then some stuff about private schools and cranbrook/clarence 

they've both put dates out there 4 the taking...they would probably both put money down as well ... and I'm not talking about black or red either...whoops...see you in Incheon. Of course we wouldn't trade abit of it...its our story and thats what we have to feed off of to reach our dreams.... when your body was designed it had a purpose...were all robots some of us I robots.. but we have to find our destination ...destination unknown...well then let the fun begin..

whos odoyle rules?

no wonder the a/c keeps breakin and he can't sleep

its over...

its still not over  

he knows and I know that these legs can do almost anything...we've proven it time after time. lost in thoughts on a cold day in the middle of November and then a year snuck by and don't tell me . creeping closer to something unexpected and then once you're there striving for something more mysterious. things holding you back that you're not aware of..

a run across borders and all you get is a stamp...why are you smiling lovelock? I can't help it! days building up to it and smiling was the last thing on his mind. he has over a 150 of them to make a difference... believe me this clown isn't going to dissapoint you...even if the days turn longer...stop holding your breath under water its no use...a few bold ones have tried to predict already and they know who they are... The game starts and then your always left wondering whos  move it it...so you wait get impatient and then make a stupid move and months of careful planning go wooossshh!!

the time is approaching...these words continue to run through my head throughout the days....if not now then when? I keep telling myself its not the right time....holding on to something for too long and then realising it isn't there anymore. we've been blessed and he knows..but do we know? we've had flashes of it...a taste now and again... structure means nothing to me without it and.....freedom is never limited unless we let it! The day is now for some and building 4 another...when will it pop?

Its been an interesting 4 weeks here. I have changed alot of my life over the last month and I want to continue in the new strides I have layed forth. Running...well there is a notable 1:57 to say for that... running into bikes and knees swelling up and focuses and realities changing faster than I can makeout....or maybe not fast enough.?

I can't say whats going to happen at the end of next month or where I'll be going or who I'll be with..but one thing is forsure Brett and I will both be on planes June 29th ..they will be going to different countries, different ages with very different travels and adventures in front of them.

Thoughts on his mind....well there is never a shortage of them thats forsure! no wonder this clown has a hard time sleeping sometimes....he has thoughts from all sides flowing in. Fridays where your up at 5:30am and have finished your day at 11:30pm ..bed @ 12:30 and the account is growing and your bagged...but that account..

so the bell rings...the music stops and the mood is lost for now..... Updates...you can call them

 Action speaks louder than words….make it happen ….. …talking about what you want is one thing but doing amazing things and other people talking about them is something else…don’t worry about others people lives and focus on how I can become a better, strong, wiser, richer person and the rest will follow and people will take notice!

The power of just thinking and being focused is amazing and much undermined. Setting a goal and sticking with it is amazing. Having control over your brain is the best skill anyone could ever acquire…make sure you’re taking the right steps to get there. Your friends play a more important role than you realize. If your friends are bringing you down or the side of you that you’re not satisfied with like your weak link…change that link with one that is bringing you up and making you stronger. Notice that rich people hang around rich people, famous people hang around famous people, fast people hang around fast people.  Poor people tend to group together as well as drunks and druggies…people are always trying to stay in there comfort zone. Put yourself out there out of your comfort zone and take a chance for the future and really believe it!

A focused person is a scary person. Someone who is going to do what it really takes to achieve his goal no matter what the cost…that’s scary and defiantly not normal. You really have to admire people who worker hard and have success.

When you’re training, he’s not.  When you’re reading, he’s sleeping. While your working and in the gym, he’s out drinking or gambling. While you have retired young or are in the fitness of your life, he has a hangover or is wondering where the time went and how somebody could be so focused and have achieved so much at such a young age. What he doesn’t realize is that it’s all in your head and he has only himself to blame and you have only yourself to thank! Its just living different realities.

If you think your going to do something…what makes you so sure about that…if your healthy now or have the right opportunity…if you can’t do it now will you ever do it? The question is not even when? The question is why not now? Oh so you don’t have the time? Really??? well what about all that time you spent looking in the mirror or reading or looking at articles on the internetor all the time you spend looking out the window on the subway, watching TV, movies, talking on the phone, drinking in the bar….I think there is a bit of time wasted in the morning between working out, work and eating…what could I achieve in that time….do things that your proud of and going to be happy to look back on and feel that you really achieved a lot…the feeling of satisfaction we all know how rewarding it is.

If you have pain or sadness in your life  what are you doing about it? Is sitting around feeling sorry for yourself helping you feel better. Or what about using big lows and turning them around into big high’s. When you’re down in the grey point of your life or so it feels like.If you lost someone special..would they want you to be depressed or would they want to get motivated and get focused. Think how you could make them proud and what they would you to do.Get focused and think big and get there and you will look back in the future and think man that was hard but I learned from it and here I am smiling down and grateful  for that experience. Use pain and sadness to drive you to something beyond your wildest dreams…..

If you think you already have the whole world…you’ll never get there. Don’t compare yourself to people who have it worse than you or people below the avg...  If you ever want to get to the to top…you have to have high goals and compare yourself to people who are successful and have made it…learn from them and find out how they got there and make their success motivate you to work harder and get there and even pass them. (You can have the whole world or be satisfied with the boulevard) when we set a goal or dream out there are so we worried about not achieving our goals that we never set our goals high enough and therefore never really know our limits (only those who push or go to far will ever really know their limits and their potential) don’t ever stop making goals and don’t ever stop believing in yourself

anything can happen...but nothing ever does.....that is the reality that some people live.

Trying to say what you want to say.... but you really can't is a little hard.

 Things being out of your control is alittle crazzy. Missing runs for 3days in a row and not because your feet hurt but rather thoughts and emotions spinning. Things seem clear well tonight anyway....tears and honesty is beautiful. People coming to terms with where the present is at and think whats best for the future and acting on it together!

hanging up and really knowing that this could be it.....thats a crazzy thought or something....like what about airport scenes with loved ones and trying to pull a brave face but really you want to cry and tell them (ka ji ma) but you know that in the long run things will be better and you will look back on that stage of your life and be able to smile....well has that day arrived?

the latest gates in Seoul have opened and he feels younger and alot wiser than only a few days ago. Things happening for a reason....they always do!

so he comes home at like 2:30 am and hes buzzing abit...just finished dropping some tears in a taxi and talking to him abit...wait it was Brett I was talking to.....one is wishing he was partying and the other clown was wishing that he hadn't gone to HOngdai  filled with memories of nights back in the winter that were special..they are always special!...but he did if you can call it that...eating pizza pops in family mart and going into dawg bars full of idiots....well you were one of them last night Nolan....he was....guilty

pull the pin and hes home...there is this yellow sand blowing and i didn't have a face mask...so shoot me...he heads out for a run at 3am and its raining...so he decides to go skins....not sure if there was tears running down my cheeks or if it was just the rain...but  regardless his brain was in over drive...did the the back stretch loop in 44:28....... sand in my mouth or was it just being dehydrated from drinking poison?

nights that started off after finishing graveyard shifts at WHOau....and then phone calls that brought about a thousand words..that probably weren't understood properly...hes used to that but what did they really mean.... like special people come along once in a lifetime and so do oppurtunities...why aren't we all making the most of this thing called life and people shouldn't be aloud to live in fear of someone else.....

everything somone does and they are constantly worried about what someone else might say or do to them and are never really free...is that living...I would tend to argue or something. He can't forget....he'll never forget. He could move on eventually but that would take time and he would have to know that nothing could be done before that....so whats he left to do in the mean time?  

when he feels like theres not alot he can do..he reads, runs and workouts...if he could run more he would but doesn't want to push it either...well what do you call 3 workouts in a day?  well yesterday was an exception...was it? that could happen anyday....but it doesn't...

so the warm weather is here...well pretty much...Seoul continues to be a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions.... if he didn't have a plan then what would he have?

days or maybe months that are done before they began. 

When you really sit down and can draw a blank is when you can trully appreciate where you're at in your live. I had a couple of them on the weekend.....they can be scary or exciting...I guess it depends what stage of your life that your at....but either way they tell you more about yourself.

I never knew language barriers better than I know them right now. It allows you to be day dreaming half of the day and after awhile it become normal.  "Hey Nolan, do you understand Korean?   well If I really apply myslef I can understand quite abit...but I've become so used to blocking it out as just noise and he gets going in his own little world. Has it become a capitalist world? well some would agree....is he onto something? either way hes had some natural buzzes lately...

running can be so humbling at times...like feeling really good on a run is an amazing feeling...ranking up there with something grown ups do...; but a bad run or an injury can bring you back down to earth and really brake you at times....I guess being human that fits quite well then....... the greatest feelings always come at the greatest costs.....someone upstairs designed it like that..... The great the journey... the greater the desitination....the more the struggle...the greater the reward...and on and on. I guess it comes down to what your reality can comprend in your future. The exciting part of life is that we are limited only by our thoughts and nothing else.  A famous book written by some James, Peter, and Moses folks...says something along the lines that words really do become flesh... I couldn't agree more...

so what I leave with you today is to make a plan/dream that makes you smile and excites you and then break it down and figure out how your going to get there and then start.... "dreamers of today are going to be the dreams of tomorrow"  the stars that shine bright are made today and are going to be the stars that are going to continue to shine into the future"

I woke up from a sleep of around 13hrs...I felt weaker than I have in awhile but thats what standing outside in a KIA car factory for the majority of a day without any food. The pay is supposed to be good...so we'll see how that works out.

My running is moving along and next min you know you have chalked up over 4months of running and the brain starts racing about things back from High School and New Zealand. The thoughts that can flow through your head on days are amazing and should really be recorded as well as your daily events. I thought a page was doing the trick for me in my journal but recently with running back and kicking my Journals have crept up to about 2 pages per day. Intervals and racing highschool kids has returned..put this time at 12:30am but the result was the same with yours trully kicking in everytime.

Thoughts of trips are back kicking as Brett is heading out the door for a little visa tour to maybe a place called Hong Kong...2003 that trip was a little on the random side forsure..well I was pretty wet behind the ears ...when I landed in asia my ears were dripping when I saw chopsticks and black hair..now I would feel strange not seeing them everybody. Adapting to things is the shisniks. Hes thinking of many a tour to Taiwan to visit a friend or maybe a trip together to an island. Hes abit focused right now on various things and wants to keep that way until Jan 07...making promises to yourself is bawling and keeping  them is even more exciting and thinking how little things can quickly add up and amount to things you never imagined... thats the excitment that we are presented with in our life and all we have to do is decide.

His emotions have come to terms with certain things, He spent a fair part of the last 2months stressing and worrying about things that he really had no control over and has excepted them for the most part and abviously has hopes for different things but he knows things are looking good either way here come Jan 07.

Spring is on and the days are getting warmer as we speak here...it will just be another few weeks before sleeveless shirts are back out of the closet for another year...some upgrades as well!  My Family doing abit of traveling.. Mom and the gang to Cuba and Ryan to Mexico and Texas...Ryan stop wearing those pride of the south t-shirts down whyte and getting into fights,,,,opps

well the dream continues and time is on our side..

schedules change as do jobs....phones change as well as numbers

so James, whats with the pink? "I'm not sure you tell me"

January is finished and so is my biggest month of working in my life...time well hes not sure what to do with it here....so hes running

timetrials @ olympic warm track in (-5) and he wonders why he doesn't pb ...and its not only because he went out too slow.... Nolan stop racing 5ks on Feb 26th...he will

Beds that are comfortable and roommates that snore

Lillys 9, Ryan 20, Mom 44 and everyone in Korea has also had a birthday......   age it can be pretty funny...TIME its the one thing that is always sneaking up on us... unless your Macaulay Culkin then you have to worry about Michael Jackson as well

the tears since Halloween have dried up and turned over a beautiful flower...thoughts of spring---

going to Edmonton in the summer...will he

bodies in extreme over drive from work and play and the dream continues.....