This song may help

Are you sure you're ready to jump? He knows that its already too late for questions at this stage...these are thoughts that should have been sorted way before it ever got to this stage but now here it is. And then with that he leaps up pushing off and knows that things will never be the same. Whats on his mind paces through on a vicious cycle that won't budge..he tries other stations but they all lead him to the same tone no matter what station he flips to. He tries his best to turn the volume down but as the music repeats continuously the volume grows louder each time it slips back to the beginning. So after awhile the music grows on him...did he ever have a choice? wouldn't it grow on anybody naturally. So he finds himself thinking that even if he had options this is what he would choose anyway. It could be dealt and mastered just like any tune he had ever heard before. Then he feels a relaxed sensation over come his muscles from lack of gravity and air moving faster and faster as he approaches... another thought hits him about the starry sky and how on some nights the sky seems to be lit up and the stars are limitless and you can choose anyone you wanted to and turn it into whatever your imagination would allow.... could it really be that easy? was it only at certain times in our lives that we would get this unique opportunity to make things whatever we wanted to... then he shrugs that off and thinks that is everyday not just today.

He tries to focus what lies beyond or beneath coming up short on both. He figures since he can't make out either of them your guess would be as good as mine....quickly takes that thought back and replaces it with how could anybody possibly know what this clown could really be buzzing about at such a moment like this. He looks behind him and reflects where he came from and the very things that brought him to where he is now. Was it the sum of events leading up to this? Of course but he had to be more specific than that.. were people to be blamed? if you allowed them to I guess.. were people to be thanked? depends on how you view the current state... of course names come to mind but this was never the purpose when he started. He shuts off the candy thoughts and tries even harder to focus.....a friend of a friend comes to mind now...a friend that had once shown more opportunity to him than ever before..he still did... their friendship had changed dramatically over the years until it hit this stage. Who was controlling the relationship anymore? He felt it shifted throughout the time they spent together. Why is he using past tense? the time they spend together for that matter. He had been victim to his friends ambitions all along...or where they his own? Did they have a healthy relationship? at times yes but did healthy exist? The more they meet the more confusing it gets..could they ever have enough of each other..not really I guess... was it a normal relationship?..normal is what you make it to be ......where the intentions always good? I'm not sure anybodies ever are really.. it always leads back to the same thing time and time again.. we were all searching for answers and it wasn't just him.

Friends were going to come and go throughout our lives and how we deal with them is limitless as the amount we acquire in our lifetime is limitless...facebook was living proof of this. Who did he consider friends and what was the purpose of having lots of friends? sure it was always a nice cushion to have them but what was a good number or rather a stable number?? at times he had friends he cherished dearly and tracked them with great interest..lately he didn't care how many friends he had and hadn't respected their importance and usefulnesses for quite some time. Did we acquire excess friends to fill the void in our lives? Can friends really turn on you without notice? was it anybodies business how we treated our friends? are they really our friends is the more important question? how could we possibly have a meaningful relationship...after all we just met.. easy come, easy go is worth more than the paper you print the quote on... and hang it up on your wall to be reminded time and time again
Slim once said I never loved you enough to trust you.. we just met and I just fucked you.. Was this really what it came down to?? how impersonal could friends get that we were just throwing them everywhere and on anything? He knows he can never find the exact answers and trying to would only result in failure. The beat speeds up and a familiar grin gets painted across his face...he questions the reasoning as anybody would. How could he possibly have enough friends this early in his life and no the internet and facebook were just a beginning ...a preview if you wanted to use the words ...of what friends options really were.

Then just as the grin appeared he forgets why he was grinning... He starts to look around as if teaching a toddler how to cross the street but rather than looking for cars his purpose is to see if anybody is watching him...paranoia? there once was a time when checking cars license plates was a priority...those days are gone for the time being. He starts to rub his eyes uncontrollably and realizes he has been crying for along time now. Had anybody seen him? Had his friends being acting accordingly the whole time? How much did they know? How long had he being crying for ? what were the purpose of these tears?
The very things that brings us to our peaks of happiness are the exact same things that make us feel depressed when viewed from a different angle or event. Why were they so interlinked like that? Was there a deeper meaning in this part of the song? so elevating and humbling all at once..he grins again but the tears flow on as well.

He feels a pinching sensation .. quickly turning around and finds himself face to face with the biggest smile he has ever witnessed. But who could be that happy? He tries to make out who it is and then he realises they are all around him...smiling faces everywhere...each one bigger than the last until the smiles turn into complete circles on the faces. He doesn't waste anymore time trying to identify who these faces are but rather why are they here and what do they mean??. Where they all friends? friends had been involved in every major part of his life so why not now he thinks. He reaches out to them...to find them just out of his reach. Then the song dims in the back ground and a voice speaks out "did you really think it was gonna be that easy? Before getting a chance to answer he hears uncontrollable laughter and it grows dark again. He glances up and the stars are gone but the laughter continues..... he shouts out "why"? he knows nobody heard him over the laughter... so without further hesitation he joins in on the laughter for what seems like forever. Then its light again and the stars are visible as well as the faces.... this time the faces are recognizable and he comes to the conclusion that he knows these faces.... 'YES' these were his friends and they were laughing at his expense. Overcome with humility he quickly stops laughing and humbleness fills the air. The laughing stops as his friends realize the message has been acknowledged.

Again hes alone now with the words "did you really think it was gonna be that easy" racing through his mind faster than he can process. Unknown takes over and if this was a joke his friends were playing on him had they gone too far? Was it possible to go too far? Not with friends .. What was the meaning of the last hr? hr? much longer than that he thought. If his friends were giving him a message he was as clueless as the day he entered this world. As that thought took on meaning .....memories of cobble stone roads, birds flying into windows, shopping with flashlights, nails in heads, dalmatians, flooding basements. Some of his earliest memories. A night in which he had fooled his mom and grandparents that he was sleeping determined to stay up. Then overcome with a feeling of hating being young and having no options or freedom. He had always wanted things at a fast pace from the day he popped out. He would get frustrated with rules and limitations placed on him. Had anything changed? people said patience this and patience that.. patience save it..Ive heard enough. He gets uncomfortable thinking of slower songs..it leads him to depressing thoughts of being in a box..not so much as to draw a picture with a stick man in a box titled "i can't get out" but pretty close to that. So a song without words at one time now at lyrics that hes starting to make sense of now. He knows if not controlled,impatience would be his greatest enemy as well...had it all already been? but there was always friends to blame everything on anyway or thank for that matter. Were friends the cause though? friends hold as much blame or credit as he gives them. His friends for that matter were a reflection on who he has become. friends paint a perfect picture... perfect could be a stretch but friends were his driving force without a doubt.

Why was his life flashing in front of him at this very instance? this instance? this was everyday...but today for some reason it was more obvious to him. If you asked him about it he could describe it in so many words that would bring you to the point of climax...if the story was referring to sex or down that road of temptation. After all what good is a story if you can't relate to it right? It was as if while talking he had been accustomed to people having conversations with themselves as his peanut was multitasking and doing the least he could to not make it to obvious on the surface. Did they know? did he know that they knew? did he? He knows that if he had enough friends nobody would bother to investigate. But could his friends be trusted was something he often thought about. On the topic of friends...could anybody be trusted? He had seen the way friends controlled peoples lives that were vulnerable...was his?

The times had started to blend at this point... everything from the faces, to the laughter, the music, memories, tears, and enough emotions to rival a teenage girl going through the worst puberty pimple breakout of her young life. He doesn't bother to ask why...afterall who was he going to ask?...who could possibly construct the puzzle...at this rate pieces were being made faster that the US was printing greenbacks...was that possible though?

What were his intentions? or was it his friends intentions he was more interested in?

With those final questions circulating he decides to get up and stop pretending to sleep..by now it had been years since he had fooled his mother and grandparents... just then the music was louder than ever and he wonders how he could have possibly slept through the noise. He comes to the conclusion that he hadn't slept so what difference did the music make? equipped with a grin and tears from above.... Time to meet some friends he thinks and he leaps again unknown of the outcome