Putting my thoughts into words has become more and more of a struggle. I look back and at least it appears it used to come easy. I remember being able to write forever about nothing, and even more than forever about something. I guess there never used to be any consequence to my words, there never used to be any consequence to my actions. I'm getting old, and the word 'sorry' solves less and less of my problems.

I've developed this whole style of writing around it, and now on this unusual day I feel like I have to stop. I'm tired. Tired of the way I have to create conversation with myself, to get out what it is that is on my mind. It's all become a big diversion; I'm trying to avoid so many different things, and it's all I know. It's taking the best of me. I'm scared of how you think and feel, so I cover up some times even the most simple things that I feel.

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I'm sorry, that in all I've done, I've lost you. I've lost the opportunity for us to celebrate our days together. I've gone through my thoughts, and journals several times, and I'm left with June 1st; Today is mine. I think of you all the time. The things that make you angry, and the things that make you smile. The color of your skin. The shape of your nose...

You're only little at two and half, and by far you're the biggest thing that has happened to me. I don't know if you or I will be given the chance, but I'm expectant of the day that I meet you. I'm all apologies; and want to ask you for forgiveness in what will have become the biggest broken promise of my life. You deserved so much more, and I wasn't able to give it you. I wasn't near the man that I needed to be, and now as history repeats itself, you have to live your life with the consequences of the generation before; my actions.

I've always wanted to give you more than I had, and maybe in this painful backwards way I have? One day I hope that you'll find me, forgive me, and know that I love you.