This chapter of my life has come to an end, a new one started. I turn the page with a tear; my mistakes and successes follow me. Panama went down with more Fireworks then I had planned. It's not even as if they involve me, although I will take responsibility for opening up the gate and letting the cat loose.

I'm not able to sum things up in the same way that Tyler is, as my mind is in a different place. Everything went down just as mentioned . It's a lack of innocence that I blame my experience on. It's that which kept me up at night, and quiet during some of what shouldn't have been the biggest hours of the trip.

I've realized alot about myself over the past few months and especially weeks. I've been going from one extreme to another, and in it I've found balance; in which lies the turning chapter. I remember the last time I switched: I had a dream and nothing to lose. The same doesn't hold true this time. I thought that I could find balance over the last 6 months, and do it all. I couldn't. Sacrificing one dream for another, and at what cost? It's over now. The page is turned.

We build ourselves up with the goals and thoughts of other people, to the point where WE becomes a fluid concept. Our thoughts as fluid as our actions; It all snaps at one point; It's a humbling experience to stare the present in the face at to deal with it as it is. We have a tendency of moving on making each day a new day, and not being accountable for our actions. I understand that it's a recovery mechanism, but how good is it when the same problems continue to recur?

Just when I thought I'd seen it all, the cat meows once again. I'm off in Edmonton and I realize the goggles are strapped tighter than I'd thought. I'm Also buzzing out, but a little less disasterous with a haircut, and nosejob. I remain silent now as it all unfolds before me. This drive is all my own and I know it won't last forever. Nothing ever does. So it is. I try to bring these months as close to the box as possible without actually going in. Cellphone turned off, Joshua grows restless in the garage, Katie Melua comes back on my headphones as the nights grow longer. 16 weeks have started. In them is a countdown. One of my biggest yet. And so it starts: