Although I'm fighting back the sobering thoughts in my mind, the buzz is winning, and with only a few hours left in the New Year I'm trying to make it easy on myself while entering the most random and difficult year of my life. The line between old and new dreams has become fuzzy. Ahead of me lies a decision. A decision that I will make tonight.
My eyes are full of tears, and there is no line between pain and joy. The first part of being alone is exactly how I wanted to be. Being this confused for answers is a situation that I could have never seen myself in. I want to laugh about it, and take it all in stride, but with my experience last night; there is many sleepless nights ahead. Is this how I wanted 2008 to start? With time moving at this pace, I'm left without options.
Notches continue to accumulate as pursuit of the dream continues. It's that type of dream, but not those type of notches.. From endless days in a cubicle to being teased when realizing my dream on the 18th floor. It's a tease that will haunt me all through the coming year. Everything that had happened in the previous 365 can be summed in 2 events; now3. I summed it up the last time I wrote. It's a life and a dream that I've paid for. And with as much thrown out there as I have; it's a life and dream that I'll continue to pay for whether I like it or not. Before I arrived back in Panama yesterday I was filled with excitement, and with plans, and with questions. Within a few hours of my arrival I had the answers to questions that I hadn't even asked yet.
- Crack. It falls. Just like I've talked about it over the lasty year. The setup is perfect. It's a beautiful disaster. And in the disaster lies an opportunity that I have to follow because after 22 years it's what I know.
A single frame of my life is a poor indication of the whole, I've learned; as you will with me. With so many frames left unsaid and with so many more to follow - I can only be as confused as you. The beauty isn't in any single shot, but rather in the piece as a whole. As it should, each climax builds upon the last, and 2008 is no dissapointment.
http://www.enterinside.com/ryan/blog/_330/ It's important for me to re-iterate over the past year. 2007. There were of course high's, although it's the lows that take presidence. The boredom. The lack of ambition. With my passport as my witness; one new peg in Dubai. 2 more in Panama. Although it won't be a year I particularly remember in the future, it's been an essential year of my life. It's a year that cultivated my thoughts and dreams into plans and reality. A year of blending in, and standing out. With several new cards up my sleeve I once again find myself entering a new year with lofty goals in my mind and tears in my eyes.
With the latest news my timeline has been pushed from 4 years into 1. Along with the rest of my goals from a year ago - I can't be more than pleased with myself. One more property in my portfolio to accompony Unit 28 (and a losing stock). I slipped a little bit on the S2000, or did I? And although maybe not quite as successful as I would have liked I did work towards a successful startup. Let's setup 2008, so that one year from today I can once again do as I am now. For starters the view of the fireworks from my 18th floor window are a treat. Now let's remove the building in front of them next year, and move up at least 10 floors. Convert 18A into a money making property; as well as my friend on the 2nd for that matter. Finish developing and realize my true potential in management through diversification and lower salaries. A 3 year project, smp, needs to enter center stage with a companion. Spanish. Latin America. A new Toy. Why not two. A once again doubled Portfolio. No Taxes. No Capital gains. Corporations.
Mels 25, Nolan 24, Lilly 10, me 21.
Having just been alive for the 3rd of my parents weddings I'm once again questioning the natural order, questioning marriage, and questioning.... http://www.enterinside.com/ryan/gallery/289/ |
